Twilight Saga: Eclipse Movie Review: And why Bella must Die!

Ok maybe not, but this is the part of the series, where I and many others had extreme hatred for one Bella Swan and her back and forth shenanigans between Edward and Jacob.

Now before I get started, if you are over Twilight in general or could care less, then I suggest you leave the blog post now. But you should keep reading well I kick ass as a writer and I think you will find my writing “voice” witty. Seriously.

Eclipse is where we get more insight into Jasper, Rosalie and the Quileute Indians’ legend of the Cold ones. And of course the crazy mixed-up emotional Bella Swan.

As the scene opens we see a young man leaving a store at night in the rain, when all of a sudden he is attacked, then thrown against a wall, then chased until he is bitten and the venom sets in. He starts screaming in agony. And this is the start of a great movie.

From that scene on, the viewer is transported back to Forks, where Bella must decide between her immortal love or her wolfy friend who is more than a friend. If you ever read Wuthering Heights, then this would be the modern version of it.

In between Bella’s dilemma is Victoria, who is creating an army of newborn vampires to destroy Bella. That is some intense hatred on Victoria’s part, but she is past reason at this point. A battle ensues, where the wolves, the natural enemy of the vampires, must create a truce with the Cullens to fight off the newborn vampires who are stronger and therefore more deadlier than even the oldest vampire.

And keep in mind, this is to save one Bella Swan, the only human aware of the things that go bump in the night.

A couple of things I had problems with in this film. Yes even an extreme fan can have some not so nice thoughts about her favorite vampire story.

There is a part in the movie where Bella and Jacob are talking and for some reason the camera had this shaking quality that was quite irritating. The other problem for me was Bryce Dallas Howard. I don’t know if it was because I saw Rachelle L. in both Twilight and New Moon right before Eclipse, but as the new Victoria I just could not see it. As a matter of fact I hated this Victoria. And while in some parts of the movie her hair was red, yet when Victoria was fighting Edward in the snow, her hair somehow magically turned brown.

I mean the studio’s budget is a huge, and they couldn’t fix these two problems? Plus I think I’m biased in the fact that Rachelle just made a better Victoria.

Overall, though this movie was better than the previous two, Bella’s character makes one wish Victoria did get a hold of her and kill her. I mean it would have put Bella out of her self-imposed misery. Just saying. Thanks for reading!

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Funny email: Men are like...

Another funny email! Please enjoy!

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free. Here's an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

Men are like....

1. Men are like Laxatives . They irritate the crap out of you.

2 Men are like Bananas . The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like Blenders You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like Chocolate Bars .. Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like Commercials . You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like Department Stores ... Their clothes are always 1/2 off!

8 Men are like .. Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like .. Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like Popcorn . They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like Snowstorms . You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12! . Men are like Lava Lamps . Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped

http://www.examiner.com/x-5465-Erotica-and-Romance-Books-Examiner Enjoy erotic/romance book reviews? Receive email alerts when new reviews are available. Just click on the "subscribe" button on the link above.

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Funny email: Children writing about the ocean

Hello all! I'm finally back in the saddle again so to speak! I missed my blog and my writing!!! So I'm hoping I can finally stay put lol. Here is a funny email I found in my inbox and it is truly out the mouth of babes haha. Please enjoy!

1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.

(Kelly, age 6)

2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)

3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't

have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (, age 7)

4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily

Richardson She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)

5) - A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head.

(Billy, age 8)

6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots

and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)

7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the

ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to

make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off

eating beans. (William, age 7)

8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and

I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant?

Like, really? (Helen, age 6)

9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is a always

crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got

pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)

10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can

give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think

they have to plug themselves in to chargers.

(Christopher, age 7)

11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes

my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)

12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water.. Divers can't

go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)

13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was

going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired

right up her big fat ass.. (Julie, age 7)

14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown

I don't know. (Bobby, age 6)

15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean He knows all about the ocean.

What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom.

(James, age 7)

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1930's Ad's - These are not for weak! Funny Email

Hello all! I was going to wait until April to start writing, but this email I received, defies logic and is funny as hell. Some of these ads are a riot, and some are just plain scary. Please take a gander at what people were doing in the 30's and the advice they recived. Ludicrous!
UNBELIVABLE!

ADS FROM THE 1930'S THESE ARE A RIOT.... can you believe that these were real ads? Yes, they were!

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A Blogger Apology

Dear Zesty Nachos,

I Acquanetta Antoinette Ferguson, apologize for not being there for you, spending time with you. I’ve been a neglectful blogger, and for that I am ashamed.

Lately I have not expressed myself. I’ve only put up things to give away, but not giving any of me to you. Zesty, we’ve been together for over a year, and this time apart has been, well bad.

I am also sad to admit I forgot your birthday. I am a bad blogger. But no more. I vow to spend quality time with you. I am going back to how it started, how I would tell the world through you, how things affected me.

Zesty, me and you, well we are good for each other. I will still do giveaways, but I was never cut out to be that type of blogger exclusively. I know you shine, when I shine.

Starting with this apology, I will strive to give you what you need: my thoughts, my rants, my raves, my everything. Zesty Nachos, it is on.

Love

A blogger ready to kick some major ass!

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Giveaway - To Sin With a Scoundrel

For those who entered, I will be pulling names tonight and emailing the winners. I apologize for the delay. Thank you.

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To Sin With a Scoundrel By Cara Elliot Book Giveaway (03/15) Closed)

Hello all! Doing another book giveaway! This one is for To Sin With a Scoundrel by Cara Elliot.

Here is the book blurb:
A reclusive widow known for her scientific scholarship, Lady Ciara Sheffield is shadowed by rumors that she poisoned her husband . . . A rakehell rogue notorious for his devil-may-care antics, Lucas Bingham--the Earl of Hadley--is not accused of murdering anything--save for the rules of Polite Society. The only thing they have in common is seeing their names featured in the lurid gossip columns of London's newspapers. Until an ancient manuscript draws them together.

Ciara needs a titled fiancé to quell the slanderous speculations which may send her to the gallows. Lucas needs brilliant scholar to help his elderly uncle decipher the secrets of the mysterious manuscript. So when her friends urge her to accept the earl's proposal of a temporary alliance, Ciara decides that she has no choice but to make a deal with the Devil. And so begins a seductive dance of sinful pleasures and hidden desires as the two of them waltz through the mansions of Mayfair. Lies, intrigue, treachery, sex. They find themselves facing slanderous whispers, unscrupulous relatives-not to speak of their own
simmering passions, which quickly ignite into dangerous flames. It's a potent mix and the result may be explosive-and perhaps deadly-if they
don't watch their step.

Here are the rules of the giveaway:

First mandatory entry:

In comments please tell me who your favorite author is.

Additional entries:

Must complete mandatory entry first!

1. Blog about this giveaway, linking to this and get 2 entries, let me know in the comments.

2. Tweet about this giveaway - Can do this once a day. 1 entry each day. Just copy and paste "To Sin With a Scoundrel by Cara Elliot book giveaway! 5 winnesr! Ends 03/15 @nettagyrl http://bit.ly/bQA6JA"

3. Subscribe to this blog or become a follower (1 entry each) Please let me know in the comments. If you currently are doing this just let me know as it counts!

4. Follow me on Networked Blogs (2 entry) let me know in the comments.

5. Add my link to your blog roll or grab my badge (2 entry each) let me know in the comments.

6. Become a fan of this blog (2 entry) let me know in the comments

7. Follow me on Twitter (3 entries) let me know in the comments

To make this easy on me, put your email in the comments, so if you are the winner I will be able to contact you. Just leave your email like this: myname (at) whatev (dot) com. To avoid pesky spammers!

The deadline to enter is 03/15/10, 12:00 am PST. Open to U.S. residents and to Canada residents. No PO Boxes. Five winners will be randomly selected (random.org) and notified by e-mail. They will have 48 hours to get back to me, or alternates will be chosen. Winners will be mailed the book directly from sponsor free of charge!

Disclaimers: VERY IMPORTANT! Please read before entering!
This giveaway is being sponsored by Hachette Book Group and NOT me, (Zesty Nachos Blog)
I am not responsible for prizes that are not honored, distributed in a timely manner, lost, stolen and/or damaged during transit.
This giveaway is subject to change and/or cancellation without prior written notice.
Enter at your own "risk"!

Other than that Good luck!

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Blogsplash: My name is Ruth. This is my story.

Meet Ruth. She doesn't know if she wants to carry on living or not, and she gives herself three months to decide. Her diary is my novel, Thaw, and you can read it for FREE, beginning today. Why am I giving a novel away for free? Because I am a writer, and I want to share my characters and their stories with as many people as possible. And maybe, if you enjoy it, you might want to read more of my books. Become a follower of the blog page now. Follow on Twitter. Join the Facebook page. Forward this email to your novel-reading friends. Thank you. Over to Ruth. * These hands are ninety-three years old. They belong to Charlotte Marie Bradley Miller. She was so frail that her grand-daughter had to carry her onto the set to take this photo. It's a close-up. Her emaciated arms emerge from the top corners of the photo and the background is black, maybe velvet, as if we're being protected from seeing the strings. One wrist rests on the other, and her fingers hang loose, close together, a pair of folded wings. And you can see her insides. The bones of her knuckles bulge out of the skin, which sags like plastic that has melted in the sun and is dripping off her, wrinkling and folding. Her veins look as though they're stuck to the outside of her hands. They're a colour that's difficult to describe: blue, but also silver, green; her blood runs through them, close to the surface. The book says she died shortly after they took this picture. Did she even get to see it? Maybe it was the last beautiful thing she left in the world. I'm trying to decide whether or not I want to carry on living. I'm giving myself three months of this journal to decide. You might think that sounds melodramatic, but I don't think I'm alone in wondering whether it's all worth it. I've seen the look in people's eyes. Stiff suits travelling to work, morning after morning, on the cramped and humid tube. Tarted-up girls and gangs of boys reeking of aftershave, reeling on the pavements on a Friday night, trying to mop up the dreariness of their week with one desperate, fake-happy night. I've heard the weary grief in my dad's voice. So where do I start with all this? What do you want to know about me? I'm Ruth White, thirty-two years old, going on a hundred. I live alone with no boyfriend and no cat in a tiny flat in central London. In fact, I had a non-relationship with a man at work, Dan, for seven years. I'm sitting in my bedroom-cum-living room right now, looking up every so often at the thin rain slanting across a flat grey sky. I work in a city hospital lab as a microbiologist. My dad is an accountant and lives with his sensible second wife Julie, in a sensible second home. Mother finished dying when I was fourteen, three years after her first diagnosis. What else? What else is there? Charlotte Marie Bradley Miller. I looked at her hands for twelve minutes. It was odd describing what I was seeing in words. Usually the picture just sits inside my head and I swish it around like tasting wine. I have huge books all over my flat - books you have to take in both hands to lift. I've had the photo habit for years. Mother bought me my first book, black and white landscapes by Ansel Adams. When she got really ill, I used to take it to bed with me and look at it for hours, concentrating on the huge trees, the still water, the never-ending skies. I suppose it helped me think about something other than what was happening. I learned to focus on one photo at a time rather than flicking from scene to scene in search of something to hold me. If I concentrate, then everything stands still. Although I use them to escape the world, I also think they bring me closer to it. I've still got that book. When I take it out, I handle the pages as though they might flake into dust. Mother used to write a journal. When I was small, I sat by her bed in the early mornings on a hard chair and looked at her face as her pen spat out sentences in short bursts. I imagined what she might have been writing about - princesses dressed in star-patterned silk, talking horses, adventures with pirates. More likely she was writing about what she was going to cook for dinner and how irritating Dad's snoring was. I've always wanted to write my own journal, and this is my chance. Maybe my last chance. The idea is that every night for three months, I'll take one of these heavy sheets of pure white paper, rough under my fingertips, and fill it up on both sides. If my suicide note is nearly a hundred pages long, then no-one can accuse me of not thinking it through. No-one can say, 'It makes no sense; she was a polite, cheerful girl, had everything to live for,' before adding that I did keep myself to myself. It'll all be here. I'm using a silver fountain pen with purple ink. A bit flamboyant for me, I know. I need these idiosyncratic rituals; they hold things in place. Like the way I make tea, squeezing the tea-bag three times, the exact amount of milk, seven stirs. My writing is small and neat; I'm striping the paper. I'm near the bottom of the page now. Only ninety-one more days to go before I'm allowed to make my decision. That's it for today. It's begun. Continue reading here. Follow on Twitter. Join the Facebook page. Help me spread the word and forward this email to your friends! Thank you x

---------------------- Warmest wishes, Fiona Robyn -------------- www.fionarobyn.com www.plantingwords.com

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Erotic book review: The Beast Within by Charisma Knight

Erotic book review: The Beast Within by Charisma Knight

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Conversation corner: Interview with erotica author Keta Diablo

Conversation corner: Interview with erotica author Keta Diablo

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Book Giveaway Jordan by Susan Kearney (3/9) closed

Hello all! Doing another book giveaway! This one is Jordan by Susan Kearney.

Here is the book blurb:
Vivianne Blackstone devotes herself to her career, putting her love life on hold. Her latest project is a spaceship designed to protect Earth from the deadly Tribes. But its engineer, the alluring Jordan McArthur, now threatens both her job and her wary heart . . .

Jordan's past goes back to King Arthur, and he must find the ancient artifact that can save the galaxy. Vivianne's ship is his best hope, but convincing the fiercely independent beauty won't be easy. Especially when the passion flaring between them burns through their defenses - and love is the last thing they need to survive.

This is book 3.

Here are the rules of the giveaway:

First mandatory entry:

In comments please tell me who your favorite author is.

Additional entries:

Must complete mandatory entry first!

1. Blog about this giveaway, linking to this and get 2 entries, let me know in the comments.

2. Tweet about this giveaway - Can do this once a day. 1 entry each day. Just copy and paste "Jordan by Susan Kearney book giveaway! 5 winnesr! Ends 03/09 @nettagyrl http://snipurl.com/uhrwg"

3. Subscribe to this blog or become a follower (1 entry each) Please let me know in the comments. If you currently are doing this just let me know as it counts!

4. Follow me on Networked Blogs (2 entry) let me know in the comments.

5. Add my link to your blog roll or grab my badge (2 entry each) let me know in the comments.

6. Become a fan of this blog (2 entry) let me know in the comments

7. Follow me on Twitter (3 entries) let me know in the comments

To make this easy on me, put your email in the comments, so if you are the winner I will be able to contact you. Just leave your email like this: myname (at) whatev (dot) com. To avoid pesky spammers!

The deadline to enter is 03/09/10, 12:00 am PST. Open to U.S. residents and to Canada residents. No PO Boxes. Five winners will be randomly selected (random.org) and notified by e-mail. They will have 48 hours to get back to me, or alternates will be chosen. Winners will be mailed the book directly from sponsor free of charge!

Disclaimers: VERY IMPORTANT! Please read before entering!
This giveaway is being sponsored by Hachette Book Group and NOT me, (Zesty Nachos Blog)
I am not responsible for prizes that are not honored, distributed in a timely manner, lost, stolen and/or damaged during transit.
This giveaway is subject to change and/or cancellation without prior written notice.
Enter at your own "risk"!

Other than that Good luck!

Continue Reading...

Writing off the Cuff at Romancedivas.com

My challenge is as follows: Around 750 words, rated no higher than PG-13

Your hero/heroine are trapped in Norman Bate's house. Your heroine is pregnant and about to give birth and Norman is restless >;>

Please include: honey, a roach (I'll leave that one to your imagination), and heck the diseased monkey was so fun to play with I'll throw him into your story too.

My name is Stewie. I’ve been living here at Norman Bates house for what seems like forever. For the most part he leaves me be and I just go from room to room enjoying my freedom.

That is until the day they came to be here. It was a dark, stormy night. The house was an old one and it tended to sway and creek in weather such as these and I usually sat in my own space until the weather cleared up.

Tonight, for the first time in a long time, there was a knocking on the door. I knew no one would answer, because Norman was not up to greeting anyone, as he was recently bit by a diseased monkey the other day.

He was out back taking care of his garden when he heard a rustling noise and looked up at the same time a rabid, bald monkey jumped on him. He was able to get it off of him, but not before it bit him. Ever since then he has been very quiet and not quite right in the eyes.

Instead of walking away, the knocker had the audacity to try for the door, and of course it would be unlocked as Norman never locked the door. He just never had visitors of any kind.

“Hello, is anyone home?”

I became angry on Norman’s behalf, because, well it was just plain rude to walk in unannounced. Then I looked as the speaker turned out to be a man soaked from the rain. He was followed by a very pregnant woman, also soaked.

“Honey, I don’t…”

“Are you alright?”

“No. The pain…Too much pain.”

I peeked out further and saw the woman holding her stomach and panting. Holy crap, she made a mess on Norman’s floor. Oh this was not good, not good at all.

“Come on honey. This place looks abandoned.”

The woman was panting, not moving as the man looked around.

“Over there hon, a sofa for you to lie down upon. Come on, not much further.”

“I want to go to a hospital Luke, not have our baby in a damn shack!”

The woman started crying as her husband pulled her towards the sofa.

“Clarissa, sweetie, remember the car broke down? Thank god this house was here.”

She turned her head from him and breathed in and out as she laid down.

I saw all of this from my hidey hole in the wall. Then I heard it. The thump, drag, thump of Norman as he walked. Oh, these people were gonna get it, though I felt a bit sorry for the woman. She did get impregnated by the the big lug.

I wanted to warn the woman, because I knew that Norman would not be happy, oh no he would not. I crept out of my hole and walked over to the sofa real stealthy like. I crept up the sofa until I was facing her. I peeked behind and saw her husband checking out the rest of the house.

Then she turned towards me and screamed so loud and long I thought my little brain would explode.

“Oh my god, Clarissa is it the baby?”

“That’s it! There are vermin here! I will not have my baby here, I refuse!”

So saying she scrambled to get up while I looked on. Her husband looked down to where I was.

“Dear, it is just a little roach, something I can step on. We really can not go on anymore…”

Oh oh, this was not good, not good. Norman appeared in the hallway. He looked horrible, and upon further inspection he had one of those honey bottles shaped like a bear. He was drinking it like water, and I shuddered as even I thought it was gross.

“What in the hell is that racket?”

The man and woman were standing very close to the door, looking a little scared, as well they should. Norman wasn’t just crazy, now he was monkey diseased as well, which explained why he was drinking the honey.

“Oh pardon us sir, see my wife is going into labor, and well we thought no one was home. We did knock.”

Norman scratched his head with the honey bear bottle, leaving some in his hair. I have to say it was not at all working for him.

The woman chose that moment to clutch her belly and scream.

“Oh, then in that case, by all means stay awhile.”

Under his breath, Norman whispered, “I’ve always wanted a baby brother, hehe.”

I shook my head sadly. Too bad for them. I really liked the lady.

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Closed Single Husbands by Honey B. Book giveaway (2/16)

Hello all! Doing another book giveaway! This one is Single Husbands by Honey B.

Here is the book blurb:
Herschel Henderson said, "I do," to gain access to his wife's money, Lexington Lewis vowed for his better and her worse, and Brian Flaw meant until death do we part, yet none of them are dedicated to their wives.

Herschel has a mistress that he sexes more than his wife, Lexington is making love to as many women as he can, and Brian is sexing women of every ethnicity because he's become bored with his wife. The one thing these men do share, is the fact that neither of them will give up the sexual freedom they enjoyed as single men.

Here are the rules of the giveaway:

First mandatory entry:

In comments please tell me who your favorite author is.

Additional entries:

Must complete mandatory entry first!

1. Blog about this giveaway, linking to this and get 2 entries, let me know in the comments.

2. Tweet about this giveaway - Can do this once a day. 1 entry each day. Just copy and paste "Single Husbands by Honey B. book giveaway! One winner! Ends 02/16 @nettagyrl http://snipurl.com/uc230"

3. Subscribe to this blog or become a follower (1 entry each) Please let me know in the comments. If you currently are doing this just let me know as it counts!

4. Follow me on Networked Blogs (2 entry) let me know in the comments.

5. Add my link to your blog roll or grab my badge (2 entry each) let me know in the comments.

6. Become a fan of this blog (2 entry) let me know in the comments

7. Follow me on Twitter (3 entries) let me know in the comments

To make this easy on me, put your email in the comments, so if you are the winner I will be able to contact you. Just leave your email like this: myname (at) whatev (dot) com. To avoid pesky spammers!

The deadline to enter is 02/16/10, 12:00 am PST. Open to U.S. residents and to Canada residents. No PO Boxes. One winner will be randomly selected (random.org) and notified by e-mail. They will have 48 hours to get back to me, or alternates will be chosen. Winners will be mailed the book directly from sponsor free of charge!

Disclaimers: VERY IMPORTANT! Please read before entering!
This giveaway is being sponsored by Hachette Book Group and NOT me, (Zesty Nachos Blog)
I am not responsible for prizes that are not honored, distributed in a timely manner, lost, stolen and/or damaged during transit.
This giveaway is subject to change and/or cancellation without prior written notice.
Enter at your own "risk"!

Other than that Good luck!

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Erotic book review: Bride Ball by Brenna Lyons

Erotic book review: Bride Ball by Brenna Lyons

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Funny Email: Yo Seniors!

The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you?"

"Yes", she says, "I remember it well."

"OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, thinks to himself, 'I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble.' So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.

Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, 'This is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.'

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"'

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,

"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence!"

Haha! Enjoy!

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Erotic book review: The Sin Eater's Prince by Keta Diablo

Erotic book review: The Sin Eater's Prince by Keta Diablo

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