Depression...Not Just a State of Mind

Depression is no joke. It affects people differently and there are many methods to combat it from pills to therapy. I suffer from depression. I hate it, but I also refuse to take pills. When my middle son passed away in 1993, I lost it. I went to a therapist, who actually did not listen to me. It was so not like the movies, where you sit on the proverbial couch and talk about your feelings. Nope it was a standard doctor’s office with him behind a desk and me in front of him in a regular chair. He asked me what was wrong. I tried to tell him. Took ten minutes, if that and then he prescribed Prozac. That was it. No follow up, no couch, nothing. I took the prescription and for those who have taken these pills it takes a good four weeks before you even feel yourself evening out. Well I didn’t take the pills that time. I felt it was a waste of my time. And it was.

Then I had a break down in 2002. Not related to my son’s death, but just an overload of everything up to that point. I had to take a leave of absence from work and go see a doctor. Not a therapist or psychologist, nope just my regular family practice doctor. Got to love Kaiser. She listened to what I was going through and this is when I first learned about my depression. She prescribed, you guessed it, Prozac. As a side note, why are doctors so damn quick to offer pills as a solution?

Anyway this time I took the pills. These started working within three weeks, and I can honestly say I was evened out. I took these pills for about two or three months before I stopped. Why? Well I started having a weird side effect, and seriously thinking about it now maybe I was just going a little crazy who knows. Well my head started to feel as if it was swelling up, and I can say that is not a cool feeling. Hard to describe but it felt almost like my brain was expanding, like something slithering around my head. I know it sounds loony, but that is the best I can come up with. So I stop taking the pills and a few months later the expanding brain syndrome stopped.

Now I go through moments of being depressed, but I’ve learned to cope with it by doing some things I found that work for me. I write, I karaoke, I listen to music, I watch movies. Sometimes I don’t know it is upon me until I start to yell at my kids or I am short with people. That is not just my signal for PMS but also my gauge that something is up. I don’t tell many people about this side of me. Those who know me only see that happy girl who always has something to say. Me putting this out, I am ok with that. I am not an overly complex person, but I do have my problems. But don’t we all?


Anonymous said...

You have talent as a writer--but you aren't going deep enough. This is 'almost' honest. That's fine. But for it to be a truly good piece of writing it must be TRULY honest. Just saying you suffer from depression isn't enough. You have to SHOW us how you suffer and of what specific type of depression from. The 'expanding brain' was good and graphic and riveting--but it is a writer's JOB to capture it fully... not to wimp out and tell us that they can't. You're hiding just a tad. Good luck. Don't worry--we will love you even more if you're honest. Signed, SailorBoy PS. Don't allow this to depress you... remember, the most uncaring comment is... nothing. Silence.

nettagyrl on August 12, 2009 at 6:56 PM said...

Thank you for the honesty. I've learned a long time ago to take commentary at face value, especially as I've written something personal here. You've also given good insight. Your right. There is a lot more that I've could have explored here. I just never thought about digging deeper than I did. Seriously thank you. Next personal writing, I will dig deep.

TERROR DELIGHT on August 15, 2009 at 9:01 PM said...



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